Well, some of you already know that and liked the “news” on my personal Facebook profile for as good as exactly one month ago (9th of May); But I am now a “one-day-to-be-married”-girl 😉 This is one of the very few very personal blog posts I will ever write.
Me and Paul Asgaard got engaged after meeting just a short time exactly one month ago (is it that long/short already?) and things have never felt more right than with this guy!
Everything about us just fits perfectly, we are like the two lost pieces of the puzzle. That’s why we didn’t hesitate a bit and made the choice that we want to be together, inseparable, from now on. This kind of person you only meet once in your life (maybe twice, if you are lucky if you for some reason can’t be with your real soulmate, but it has for sure not happened to me for real yet before Pauli) so why doubt and do as everyone else think is “suitable” (wait for a long ass time and let it grow, take our time, not be hasty etc etc etc etc).
We don’t care about what other people say about it/us that we are too fast or too “not considerate about the consequences”, but if you had been through what we have been through, you wouldn’t doubt this happening!
Both of us have been through MANY relationships and dates, which none of them ended well in the end. No one was the perfect fit for anyone of us and we both came to a stage of “I give up” around the change between 2015/2016/beginning of 2016. We where entirely done with relationships and dates, both of us!
Me personally had just got pushed away by a (another) guy I liked a lot for some hot-looking mysterious young goth girl at that time and I doubted everything about me, my appearance, my personality and my life (every guy I seemed to “fall in love with” never felt the same about me, and with every guy “who fell in love with me” I couldn’t live up to the expectations).
I felt that “no one will ever want me or the life I’m living because it seems impossible to get a guy who accepts and loves everything about me, I guess I will have to compromise, but if I have to compromise myself through life to be with some random person who dislikes parts of my life; FORGET ABOUT IT, I’m NEVER going to have someone, never get married, never have kids, never have a twosome-way of living, JUST ME, because I’m apparently such a strange and hard-to-live-with character and I’m better off alone”
That basically meant I had come to terms with a life alone. I cried for over two weeks in a row, every day, and then I stopped. And accepted a life in loneliness. I became “firmly me” at last when it comes to personality (a big thing in itself). I mourned the life as a couple – because it was clearly nothing for me- and moved on.
Then Pauli stepped into my life!
I had booked the date (to go to Finland) with him just before I gave up on relationships, luckily enough. If he had shown up later I would probably not believe how good he seemed and missed the opportunity 😉 But everything happens for a reason and there is no doubt this was MEANT to happen.
I decided to give it a final, absolute final try! If he wasn’t what he seemed to be I had decided that it was it for me and relationships in total. After that I would become “a nun” and live the rest of my life alone (and believe me, I haven’t been single since 2005 for a longer period of time, so I have tried almost every relationship and personality possible and failed EVERY time).
But there he was!
This guy, almost a materialized version of my “dream-guy-description” (well, he is not much taller than me, that was one of the few things I had to compromise 😉 😉 ) and well. When it hits, it hits. And when it fits, it truly fits.
Suddenly love songs and poems make sense to me. And of course the countless romantic films about undying and true love. I can identify with those fictional characters now and I never thought I could because I was one of those people who say “romance is fictional, it’s not real”. Well, I had to eat my words! Romance like that IS real. When I thought I was in love before (sorry), I was so insanely wrong. It was not even HALF of what this with Pauli is!
My world stopped spinning around without a plan or destination. I stopped searching around in the dark and stumbling over things in my way. It feels like I have stumbled around in the darkness for years and suddenly found someone’s hand and a light switch at the same time. I was clearly not designed to be entirely alone and I realized my life has been about finding this other piece of the puzzle til now! I thought I could make it alone and idiotically tried to convince myself that I could. For years. But I needed someone to share it all with and searched long and hard for this person without result. And got insanely sad and bitter in the process. Tried different outcomes. Different outlooks. But nothing matched. Til he came along and it all made sense at last. Now I know what I have been waiting for in my whole life 🙂
My personality developed with time so it would match with him. My personality from the beginning was all made to match his. The two pieces of the life-puzzle was finally recovered and made it all complete.
I finally know who I am, what I want, and I know who I want to share it with.
My future husband, my hand to hold on to during hard times, my soulmate, my best friend. Pauli.