Since I went up in time at my regular work (have been working part time for years, never 100% except before I got burned out (for about 2 months)), I got more money.
I got more money to save up to be secure and not feel stressed in the end of the months. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Money can bring peace in that sense.
The problem is that I have noticed that I since I started my 90%+ schedule is that I have much less energy left over to do things that “matters”.
Go somewhere to do something fun, do art, all the things that add joy to life. Just create art without a big time limit and not feel I am fighting energy deficiency constantly.
I have noticed that my art has come to a steady state thanks to this and THAT is not a nice feeling after all, no matter if I get more money or not. Because of this, my artworking is nowhere near the state is was just a year ago. I wanted to learn to tattoo properly; That came to a hold. I wanted to explore more techniques in artworking; That came to a hold.
When I was on a short sick leave thanks to a pretty traumatic incident a few months ago I felt I could do more art again. But as soon as I got going, I started working again and the feeling faded.
I have gone over this many times and decided that I in the autumn will go down to my “normal” 72% night schedule and try to get back on track with my artworking and LIFE in general.
Money is nice. But money is never so nice that I can sacrifice myself for it completely. I spend most of my days off work trying to recover to at least be able to do the necessary “out of work-duties” that comes with owning a house and a horse. When I worked about 20+% less, I felt better about my balance between work and “recreation”. Less money of course but I could live with it before, I can live with it again.
Feeling outside my real me is not nice, now when I finally found my own personal balance it is even worse. Money can’t buy ALL happiness after all (some, but not all).
This is just a phase. I hope to get back into my old self in just a few months 😉 Bare with me. We all need to explore our boundaries to what we are capable of and not.
Now I know I need more time between my nights shifts in order to be in a creative mood. When I am so tired I want to (and can) sleep all day, my artist sense goes into hibernate. I don’t like it. At all. Not forever at least. Some people can work like crazy and still be creative. I can not. Especially since my burnout 2012 I need to take things easy. My brain gets very tired from time to time when it gets too much stress.
I am hoping to solve this before the year is out.